I am borrowing today….thank you James


 

 

 

 

“The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.”

I have a good friend, James, who writes a Gratitude blog each day, and today he posted this and it touched my heart because it is true.

Maybe I will search for the rest of my life, I don’t know, but I have to be ok with that.  I have to also guard my heart as it belonged to someone for such a long time; was full of him, but he was vanquished not too long ago.  He was vanquished completely.  I filled the void with the love I have for my family….for the babies…who I am absolutely IN LOVE with….and that was enough.

Then I opened my heart just a bit for someone and he is in there….but I had to pull the door to just a bit.  He calls it the screen door.

For some reason I must show toughness when it comes to my heart.  And after my ST John’s Medical Center visit in the Cardiac unit, I know my heart is strong and healthy and pumping away….so technically my heart is full of blood.  But I don’t like being vulnerable.  I do not like it at all.

Someone told me yesterday that in my heart we have an incredible creation.  What does that mean?  I don’t know.  Someone?  anyone explain that.

I don’t want people to know what is really in my heart and head because if they see the real me, they might not like me.  Wow, I just said that….

I think some would be amazed to know the depth of love I can carry for someone.  Unconditionally.  Some (most) never get to see it.

 

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One thought on “I am borrowing today….thank you James

  1. I am glad you are continuing with your blog. I have found the longer I open myself and write mine, the more benefits I get from it. It is my hope and wish that the same is true for you. I am proud of you….

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