The saying “Beauty is only skin deep” was always answered by my father with “but ugly is clear to the bone.”
I thought about that today when I was talking to one of the partners here. When I started working at this office I immediately spotted him because he is very, very attractive. He has beautiful features, he is tall, fit, dresses well, speaks well. Then when you see him in action with those that work for him all of his attractiveness flies out of the window. He yells. When he doesn’t understand something instead of asking the question, he flies off the handle, reacts badly, and tries to make others feel badly. He is also two-faced. To me, and several other women, he is ugly.
It is interesting that to most women and some men looks truly are not everything, in fact, sometimes, they aren’t anything.
I have dated a few men in my years, most have been very attractive physically, and even more so when I got to know them. But there was one man who I dated for a year who was anything but physically attractive to most people. Joe. Joe was lovely to me. The more I got to know him, the more he centered in my heart. He was kind. He was intelligent. He was compassionate. He was so good to me. He was gorgeous in my eyes. I didn’t look at what he wasn’t based on a checklist. I looked at who he was. I felt like ten million dollars when I was with him because that is how he treated me. I know, I know, so why did we break up? Well he finished his PhD and lived in DC and I didn’t want to live there and he had “one of those jobs” for the Joint Chiefs of Staff where he would go away for weeks at a time and I couldn’t know where he was going. It made me crazy.
One of the reasons I quit dating athletes in college was because they were too self-absorbed. I always dated athletes that played “smart” positions. Pitchers, quarterbacks…but they were too wrapped up in themselves. I realized after the first semester of my sophomore year that I found smart “normal” guys much more attractive. The one exception was a tight end I dated off and on, he was gorgeous, and I quit dating him because I found him to be really wrapped up in himself and his reputation. Then he had cancer our sophomore year and it completely changed him into a caring, kind, compassionate man. But I had started a relationship with my “college love”. We are still friendly. He has a lovely wife, and children, and was coaching football at SMU last time I heard from him.
It really is what you are…sure, being attractive is a bonus….it catches our eye. I do find it interesting that physically unattractive men can be so judgemental on how women look. I want to say, “REALLY??? You are going to judge her because her hair isn’t blonde or she has twenty extra pounds, you troll?” But I don’t. Not worth it. Let him live in his fantasy world alone.
Perhaps my point is that kindness shines from a person. Love radiates. Look within for what you really want in any person.