Thank God for my parents.
You know, there were times I was sure my mom was nuts. My father could have been a bit more affectionate. That being said, THANK GOD I had the parents that I did.
I hear friends describe their home life while growing up and I realize that my sister and I had it pretty good. My parents were hard-working, honest, respectful, kind, and faithful. They instilled respect and integrity and kindness in their children. My parents were fun. They really were. My mom was the social butterfly but Daddy normally tagged along. I bring this up because one of the things that was never lacking in our family was compassion. Although I have been known in the past to be a bit standoffish and cool and hard to get to know, I do have a great deal of compassion.
Don’t get me wrong, when faced with someone who continually deceives and lies and manipulates people, I address the issue directly and have no desire to have this person in my life. BUT….
I feel for their pain. Because something happened to them to cause them to be so unkind and hurtful to others. It makes me wonder what…did their parents treat them poorly? are they just narcissistic and have no moral compass? I want to say, “what happened to you?” But I cannot expect an honest answer because I do not trust a word. Not one.
My message has been clear. “Get Help Now.” Oh, and, “I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you.” Which really translates into “I am not stupid, leave me alone. Cut the bullshit.”
But what MAKES a person hurt people deliberately? What makes a person continue to lie even when caught? Do they think that no-one will love then if they really knew them? Do they just feel entitled? Is their narcissism masking low self-esteem? These things I want to know. That is what I will ask MY therapist on Wednesday. “Nellie, what is wrong with this man?”
What is the joke? “How can you tell he is lying? ” “His lips are moving.”
There’s something to be said about liars; liars lie in so many ways and for so many reasons. Liars lurk in business, in marriages, in friendships, in life, to hurt; whether innocently, stupidly or maliciously.
These people run their lives in permanent deception, trying to manage and control each and every lie. They omit the truth in good part, because they know it’s either plain wrong or they simply don’t have the strength of character to face reality.
We have all lied to mask what we don’t want others to know. But this level is prime time, slick, manipulative, scheming and player mode. Doesn’t that make a person feel guilty? No shame in his game perhaps. He isn’t really sorry he did it, he’s sorry he got caught…four times.
Still I offer words of compassion. Nothing is ever so bad that you cannot fix it if you truly, HONESTLY, want to change. Don’t blame anyone else.
Enough with the nonsense; for it is truly nonsense.
My compassion started with a note based on the concept that you can change, you can get help, you can be forgiven if you start being honest and really want to change.
Unfortunately, the person has damaged so many good relationships that getting them back is next to impossible. People don’t like being hurt badly and deceived. They tend to be gun-shy and too strong in character to let a person back into their lives. How could you ever trust them?
I hope that a bit of light shines on all who are so troubled. I hope that they find their path and decide to rebuild their integrity.