What if I told you that your every conflict, disappointment, struggle or challenge, with others or yourself, was merely a manifestation of what’s going on within your own thinking… would you go there first to fix, mend, and allay? 

Interesting and thought-provoking words for me.  Would I?  Last year, probably not.  Now, absolutely.  By “fixing”, it might certainly mean letting go of something.  Case in point, the last relationship I had over the summer and into the early Autumn.  In the past I might have been tempted to try to fix him, or try to figure out what happened, what could I have done to make it better?  This time, I knew I had done everything right and he was just screwed up beyond all proportion.   I was hurt and surprised but when I found out the level of his deviousness, I let it go.  Good riddance to bad rubbish.

It actually made me stronger and more focused.  He pops up in my prayers occasionally.  “Watch out for him and help him” is about all I can muster.  Now, the grudge I hold keeps me at a safe emotional distance from people who could mess up my life.  I have no time for people devoid of emotional intelligence.  It just isn’t worth my time.

Letting go and fixing the disappointment from within seems to be working for me.  Meeting challenges head on also seems to fit the bill.

Thinking of others on a consistent basis, making time, reaching out, has benefited me unbelievably.  A friend of mine’s sister has been diagnosed with stage 2B breast cancer.  The “b” means it is in the lymph nodes.  She had a double mastectomy last week.  When my friend told me of her sister I immediately offered any help I could provide.  I put myself in her place and imagined what I would need if my sister was facing this.  I started praying and meditating on her sister, then expanded the circle.  It’s an amazing thing to focus so strongly on one person…it opens your mind and you heart up.

The same thing happened in the early part of the summer when a good friend was going through a very tough time.  I couldn’t do anything to help him other than listen and hit my knees and focus all of my energy on him.  I could get in the zone and imagine him surrounded with golden light pouring down.  That is the chant I would say over and over and over.  “Pour your light on him.”

I mentioned it to him not long ago and he told me it had helped.  I didn’t tell him while I was doing it.  But his words made me think.  Is focusing positive energy on someone really a benefit?  Does it help negate the unhappiness or stress they are going through?  Or does it keep a happy, positive vibe around you so that when you are in their presence, they absorb it?  I don’t know the answers.

Don’t worry, those that know me, I am not getting all fundamentalist-churchy on you.  I think you know that.   Yes, I still make fun of those and worry about the women-folk that have to wear the ugly shoes, ugly dresses, and funky-assed hair.  I really want to grab one of the women and say, “so what’s up with the Little House on the Prairie look?”  I just don’t embrace such a limited view of God and the universe….yes, I’m the Catholic that is Pro-Choice.  I’m the one that believes in birth control (as do 80% of Catholic women).  I embrace and like to understand other methods of spirituality.

I am just happy.  That is what it is and I’m liking it very much.  I’m not counting on anyone to make me feel it…I am feeling it from within.



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