It’s in the Finding


I am happy.  I am happy to be alone.  I am happy to be casually interested in someone.  I am happy to sit with family.  I am happy to meet a good friend for brunch and sit and talk as we always do.  I am happy to put up shelves in my bedroom closet.  I am happy to put out Christmas decorations.   I am pleased that other’s see my happiness.

Friday evening we gathered again at my niece’s house, just immediate family, to have leftovers.  One little niece had to have a “time-out” and as I was coming out of the bathroom, she was coming out of her parent’s bedroom where the time-out took place.  We stood looking at each other.  She looked up at me with her tear-stained face and I melted and I picked her up.  She wrapped her arms and legs around me and we sat together that way in a chair in the family room.  I told her I needed to snuggle and she laid her head on my shoulder and I scratched her back slowly, the way my mother used to do for me.  The moment was brief and we were completely alone, but in that moment we passed love back and forth.  Something so very simple made my heart leap…and joy filled me.  Then she was up and off to more exciting things.  It was a moment that meant a memory for me.  I hope that she knows that she can always have me to comfort her and to hold her and to love her.  And maybe that love is enough.

Maybe that love is enough.  The intense heart-warming moment might just be enough.

Because I no longer wish for more.  I am resolved to be happy with myself and my life and not wish for more for myself.

Maybe my lot in life is to be kind and loving and giving of all my love to others…maybe a lasting romantic love isn’t in the cards.  I have loved passionately and deeply….and maybe that is just good enough.

In my dreams I think of that love again…but I don’t long for it.  My requirements are simple…it’s in the finding.

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