Doing It My Way….

That’s what I’m here for.

Today I sat across from lifelong friends who were eating lunch and laughing and talking; thoroughly enjoying each other.  The ladies who lunch with their minks on….and both had bold sincere laughs.  It was fun just watching them interact.  One looked over at me and said “I’m sorry if we’re disturbing you.”  I assured them they were not and it was enjoyable to see two women enjoying themselves.  I assume they were in their early seventies.  One then said, “we’ve been friends longer than you’ve been alive” which could be true, but I said, “I’m older than you might think….tomorrow is my birthday and I will be x years old.”  They both acted surprised and said, “no, no way.”  One even went as far as to demand to see my driver’s license.  While that was flattering and I assured her I wouldn’t lie UP, that I would lie DOWN.  Whether they were being supportive of the “sisterhood” and flattering or actually believing it.  It was a nice gesture.  Then one said something very enlightening.  “Are you happy?”  “Do you feel good?”  I stopped for a moment and smiled and said, “Yes, I am happy and I feel great.”  I thought those two simple questions from a woman old enough to be my mother were so meaningful.

Are you happy?

Do you feel good?

I am giving thanks for the life I have, for all that has been given to me, for all that I’ve earned, and all that I am blessed with (like young skin and botox!)  Because I want more….and I will continue to be thankful for what I do receive.

I look back on all the bad things that have occurred in my life and realize how much I’ve learned from them…how very much I’ve grown from the experience.

I remember one experience not so long ago when D told me he was going…it was late on a Wednesday night in September and he told me his brother was dying and he had to go be with family.  I knew in my gut that he was going going gone.  I zipped on my hoodie and pulled the hood up and took off walking…funny I walked all the way to my parent’s old house and then back.  All the time I was holding the necklace of by parent’s wedding bands that I wear around my neck and I was praying.  “Help me, help me.”  What I meant was “don’t let D go.”  What I THOUGHT I wanted was what I was asking help for….I was grouping Mom and Dad and God, and Mary all in one constant chant/prayer.  I walked up the drive to my house and he was seated out in our “spot”.  I went inside, changed and lay on the bed reading.  I wasn’t going out to him…not this time.  He finally came in.

In asking and praying for what I thought I wanted….I didn’t get it.  But, I received what I needed.  Little did I know at that time that he was lying and cheating.  But I found out soon enough and it was a big “ah ha” moment.  “Ahhh, ok, so you all heard my request for help and that is exactly what I received.”  If he had stayed….if I had gotten more involved than I was and then I found out, I would have been devastated.  But my prayers were answered in a way I completely understand.  Do not think for a moment that I didn’t offer up my thanks.

The bad stuff makes me stronger….strong like bull.  The good stuff after the bad makes me appreciate it even more.

I have a good heart, a kind heart, a heart full of love and laughter and adventure.  I give it to those I truly love and I understand a little bit more those that have trespassed on my feelings.

I’m right here….I will always be right here…wherever I am.  And that, I can live with.


One thought on “Doing It My Way….

  1. I have not known you a long time as our friendship can not be measured in year and years, yet I know how much I have seen you grow and chance since we met. I am proud of what you have done for yourself, how you have grown, how kind you are to others and how genuine you are. I am honored to be your friend.

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