Another Year Older and Certainly Much Wiser

Sometimes instead of running from something scary in your life, it’s easier to learn not to be scared of it.
Let it stay. Pull up a chair.

I had a great day yesterday, a great birthday.  It was simple and fun.

When my Notes from the Universe came to me this morning it was perfect.  Last year I had a great year because I got off of my duff and decided to DO something, to change, to be the woman I really want to be.  I’m not there, but I’m getting there.  I learned to embrace the scary stuff about my life, in my life, and live with it.  Just be.  It is what it is.  By battling the scary stuff, I was not winning, not losing, just battling.  I’m done battling.  When I accept who I am mixed with who I can be and who I was it blends, it gives me flavor.  It makes me true and complete.

I told someone yesterday that a new beginning was possible if we left all the bad experiences behind and worked only with the good.  I don’t know if that offer will be pondered and accepted, but it was an offer simple, sincerely made.

I’m glad I’m not the person I was…well not completely.  I’ve forgiven myself for faults and misdeeds the same way I would forgive and accept anyone else I truly love.  I just don’t care if someone in my life did something in their past that they now have worked away from.  I had to realize that I had to look at myself the same way.

I also accepted my body.  Even though I have changed it this year to a much healthier machine, and will continue to do so until I’m where I want to be….not Gizelle Bundchen…let’s face it without her make-up, she just a relatively attractive German woman.  Elle Macpherson has a terrific body…but I bet even she has areas of worry.  

I told my sister yesterday that I wish I had our Mom’s rear.  My niece inherited it instead.  Mine is kind of flat.  Nothing I can do about that bit of genetics except keep it tight and work out….I’m never going to have that bubble…but I don’t care.  I remember my mother hated her tush.  

I look at myself now and see others from my family and that makes me happy.  I see the differences in me and my sister, and the similarities.  In her, I see the memories of my Mother, and in me I believe she sees our Father.

I long while ago the first thing I learned to live with in order to control it was my temper.  That blinding hot red moment when I became like a fighting cobra….mean, unkind, quiet and deadly.  It was horrible.  But I learned that it is there and when I felt it come….I dealt by walking away and calming myself.  No one needs to hear it.  It feels great to release it at the time but the shame and guilt are horrible.

I’ve learned to deal with the scary stuff and it’s great.

I’m alive and thriving and happy.

Today, as soon as I finish a morning of work, I’m going to grocery shop and then work out at the health club.  I’ve learned that my physical workouts help me emotionally and mentally and sweaty makes me wash out negative energy.





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