I met a guy when I first moved up to Chicago on a cool October evening. It was a quiet evening and I went out with a couple of people from work. Later that night, around 8 p.m. or so I met this man. He was beautiful and intelligent and quick. We spent the rest of the night into the early hours of the morning talking. He was unlike anyone I knew and that is what drew me to him…how different and yet fundamentally alike we were. We were raised in the same faith, with the same family unit, with the same respect and integrity and independence and work ethic.
Our relationship developed with many growing pains as we hammered out a friendship. This man has been my friend for many years now and we have gone through tough times. Our relationship has always been a beautiful mess. He has been a tough friend; the kind that doesn’t allow ego or whining or temper tantrums. We’ve come far to be where we are.
We’ve navigated rough seas, and navigated through our need for personal space. We still have a lot to learn about each other and we are both worth it. Sometimes it just gets too difficult to maintain the distance between us now, both physically and emotionally.
That is indeed a shame.
I tended to reach out more. He tended to pull away farther. But when we are in sync we are good. We are a perfectly oiled machine of friendship. I learned from him to not reach out, to let him come to me. This lesson was the hardest.
I went from being the bulldog, holding onto an issue and not letting go, to sitting back and watching a situation play out. He taught me to let it go.
He taught me the art of the deal, amazing patience, when no means no. He taught me that just because I want something, I don’t always get it.
He is the master of saying just the right thing to make me laugh, calling at the right time to make me smile, and making me so angry I could spit.
It is indeed a long and winding path through our friendship that will hopefully never vanish. We’ve gone about our own lives without communicating for long periods of time, but when we speak it is as if there has been not time spent apart.
He knows me. Sometimes he knew me better than I knew myself.
He is in my prayers each day and to him I wish health and happiness and joy and love.
What I’m not sure he knows is that he changed my life and changed me.
Now I’m confident and happy and I did that myself. I learned from him that I didn’t need anyone to achieve my goals.
For some reason throughout our relationship HIS opinion mattered the most of all my friends.
I haven’t always been fair or honest with him and he knows this and he knows I am sorry.
I think of him often as if the thought of him brings him closer to me for a moment. I sometimes think that if we were together in the same space that we would be too much. The sheer force of us might be more than we could take.
He will never understand the place he has in my heart and how that feeling will always be there.
I do know one thing for certain about our relationship… I would drop anything in an instant if he needed me.
That says it all.