“You cannot truly express yourself until you first discover who you are.”


Amen.

I think the second half of my life is turning out to be rather acceptable.  Yes, there are still ups and downs, but the downs are learning experiences, just like they were in my youth, without the crying.  But I’ve gotten to that point where I don’t have to impress anyone any longer; I don’t need someone in my life that I have to work so hard for.  I enjoy my little life with my family and friends and dogs and my little house.  I don’t need it all any more.  Granted, I really would like to win the lottery, but until that happens…..

“ok, so that happened” truly is a statement I’ve learned to embrace.  I started writing a journal several years ago and have blogged for the past couple of years.  It gives me the vehicle to write what I think and feel, put it out into the void, and have it out of my head.  Once I read it, I think “that wasn’t that bad”.

I have learned, the hard way, to pick my battles.  Twenty years ago I would bull-dog anything…hold onto it and argue for the sake of it.  No more.  Now I look at it as “how will this matter in a year?” and move on from there.  Besides, always needing to be right is tiring. Let someone else be right for a change.  

A dear friend of mine told me not so long ago that we should write a book.  That seed started growing in my head and I came across an article on how to write your own memoirs.

I thought it might be fun just to start writing in MS Word and add stories as I think of them.  I’m still not 100% sure who I am in this world and maybe that is a lifelong journey to find out, but I want to know.  I can tell you who I think I am, but that may differ when you ask family and close friends and the people I work with.  Thus, the memoir.  It might just be for me to read, and it might take years to complete.

It’s just another goal on the list.

I’ve also learned to let go in the past year…I mean, truly let go.  When things I’ve battled for just don’t work out, I let it go.  It expends too much time and energy that I could be using on something and someone beneficial to my life.  There is a reason why some things don’t work out…they were never meant to be.

Alcoholics Anonymous have a saying “Let Go Let God” which I find amusing on a bumper sticker but in all truth a very wise though process.  “Let Go Let Life” …is another way to put it.  Exposing myself to possibility, to a life different than what I thought I wanted is liberating.  I may not get everything or anything I pray for, but the opposite of what I experience has been truly the best.

When I prayed hard to work out a relationship I really wanted, I didn’t get it…but I did find out a week later that the person I wanted lied, cheated, and was totally messed up.  There is an example of NOT getting what you wish for and thanking God, the Universe, and all dead relatives.  “Thank Mom and Dad, I dodged a bullet on that one.”

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