“My greatest achievement is that I lead a positive life. A lot of people can’t say that. To be able to live a positive life and to be spiritually balanced are the most important things to me. No matter what you achieve, if you’re negative or unhappy, what’s the point?”
I read this statement about a year ago, and decided it was the path I wanted to take. I am much more spiritually balanced after my little talk with God, Mary, any every saint I could think of, in the ER of St John Medical Center when I thought I was having a heart attack.
Soon after I knew I had to get myself together and live the positive life. In my mind I understand that no matter how busy life is and how stressful, never a moment goes by when there aren’t angels around us, working their little hearts out. Every so often I realize that those angels are sitting with me guiding me. When I am very quiet and still and listen I can almost hear the beat of their wings. Sometimes I envision the angel from It’s a Wonderful Life, Clarence, bumbling around helping me, pulling me out of the icy river. Other times I imagine the beautiful female angel, or Arch Angel Michael with his sword and shield kicking ass and taking names for the Lord….or some such thing in my imagination.
The biggest surprise for this Catholic girl is the depth and breadth that my spiritual journey has taken me on.
The biggest surprise for this athletic, competitive girl is how hard the physical changes have been. It was so easy in my 20’s and 30’s. Middle-age isn’t so easy. Getting there and staying there are difficult, but without the physical work, I become crazy. I must have it in my life and that makes a huge difference to my outlook. Nothing is impossible if I can do pull-ups without assistance.
My biggest area of growth has been the shift to living a positive life; not finding the negative, not dwelling and letting the negative take me to the dark place. For example, on Ash Wednesday when I was hungry and cranky and then had a mini-confrontation with someone that challenged my skills and my authority I did get a pit pissy. But this time, I called a good friend and told him I was in a terrible mood. He, being the wonderful man that he is, dropped by my house at 4:30 p.m., and took me to Mass and played Monty Python songs for me all the way there. After Mass, which was so good for me, we went to dinner. The moral of the story is that I recognize the mood and reach out for help and I LET IT GO.