My Priorities

I don’t know that many people know what my true priorities are at this time in my life. 

Happiness with myself, acceptance of myself, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health are what I would place at the top of my list.

Love is high on my list.  I find I am now able to give love openly and deeply to those I care about.  I love my family and I do not know how I would have become the person that I am without them.  I am blessed, truly blessed, to have a sister who is my guardian angel.  She has been my big sister, but more importantly, my best friend forever.  We understand each other and we can say anything to each other….she doesn’t judge me, but accepts my differences from hers.  We can be as different as night and day, yet I envy her with the life she has and the incomparable ability to love. 

I maintain I lead a small little life because it suits me down to the ground.   But within this life I have the ability to buy what I want, go where I want, and give freely to others.  I don’t require the big fancy schmancy house that I once did.  I love my nest and my yard and the feeling I get now that it is completely mine. 

I am comfortable  being alone, BUT, and here is the  big  but, I would  be happier  sharing my life with one person.

My drive is still strong in my head and heart, but it’s a different drive now.

I want to travel more and go to the places I discussed last night on a late night call.  But the “what if’s” aren’t as demanding as they once were.

I would be happy living my life, sharing my heart and head and home with one person and showing him every day how much he means to me; in small ways and in large ways.

I want that feeling inside that bubbles up when I stand waiting for him to walk through the front door.  I want that feeling of laughing, face to face, over something ridiculous.  I want to feel him wrap his arms around me just because.

I don’t need a summer home in Spain or Italy, although I wouldn’t say no.  Traveling there and staying is good enough.

Showing myself and opening myself are my joys now. 

Getting a second chance with my life….and my choices….means everything to me.  Detours are inevitable, and I want to embrace possibilities around each turn.  An agenda cleanse is good life hygiene;

When we begin to weave webs of deception, we need to expend enormous mental energy to prevent them from tangling. There’s less brain power left over for solving real problems, and we start to falter in other areas of our lives.  This is true and a trait learned from my mother and my father on both sides of the situation.  Dad was as honest as any person I’ve known.  My Mom was a bit showy based on her years on stage. 
I learned the hard way just to be myself, to accept myself for who I am, and to not care what others think of me.  If they really care, the won’t care.  Make sense?
Secrets and lies are hell on rela­tionships, both personal and professional. People can feel the difference between a pure agenda and a murky one. 

Pre­tend to be perfect, and you risk being caught by folks who’ll abhor your pretense of perfection more than your imperfections themselves.
I know give it real thought, and prefer to be  brutally honest with myself.  My clarity—maybe a little piece of my sanity—depends on it.

I pick  the motivation that feels most true, my real bedrock reason and I act upon it.  I’ve bared myself to a few lately and surprise, surprise, they still liked me. 

I am working on allowing my pure inner agenda to radiate outward.  This I focus on daily, hourly because through it I feel cleansed and free. 

I try to run frequent agenda cleanses, so that I’ll unconsciously steer myself toward activities that I truly love and people who truly love me. People will trust me, and I will  know whom to trust. The brain space that was tied up in conniving manipulation will be free for problem solving and creativity. My energy will rise; my stress level will fall. I’ll be happier and more at peace.
I’m ready for the once-in-lifetime-love….I’ve had it in my heart for years.  But I’m ready to share with a man with integrity, morals, respect, and a great family relationship….(he will need it to deal with my family and their protectiveness).  In turn, he should be able to trust me completely, respect me, and share his heart. 
But it’s ok if I don’ have that….or ever have it.  In my heart, head, and soul there is that love…..and it will always remain.

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