I unexpectedly ran into him. He looked older, perhaps not as handsome as I once had thought, but still had the vibe going. I stopped short when I realized he was standing directly in my path and that he had been watching me.
My first fleeting thought was to turn and walk away but I’m an adult and that would have just shown him that he still has power over me.
He started his song and dance with me…”hey how are you? you look great doll!” The whole routine as if when he walked out of my house last September he had just gone for cigarettes and would return.
I stood and listened to him, watching him, noticing that he was nervous and used his hands a great deal, then grasped them together and rubbed. He looked directly into my eyes at one point and said, “I think you’re more beautiful now than when I first met you.”
Really? Did he just say that to me? I laughed. No, really, I laughed out loud.
In my head in a nanosecond all the lies, all the stories, all the other women came flooding back….all the conversations the other women had with me rolled in my brain.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know exactly what you want.” I said with a smile. “Because you’re always wanting something. You always have an angle.”
He smiled a very nervous smile and when he looked directly at me, I wasn’t smiling. I was standing, soberly, waiting for him to lie. Before he could stammer out a response I said, “don’t lie to me…”
“I guess you needed to get that out of your system,” was his reply to me.
Sure, that’s what my game is….to hold onto a lying, cheating, despicable man in my heart. He told one of his women that he was afraid of me because I was so smart, so successful, and knew the truth about him.
Then I uttered the word. “Whatever.”
‘Whatever’ means I’m finished, it’s done, I just don’t have the desire to speak about it any longer.
“See ya.” I said as I walked past….he called after me but I walked to my car and got in, fired up the engine, and drove away.
I guess if you are a person that is so narcissistic, and you think your penis is a magical toy that all women crave and all men envy, then your life is spent playing with good people’s feelings. It’s a pity…someone so twisted in their life that lying and playing and hurting others just to do it is acceptable. Leaving a trail of hurt feelings, and some broken hearts is a terrible reputation to keep and build.
I realized that for about 6 – 8 months of every year, there is the chance that I will run into him and that is fine. Knowing that he has no power over me and that I have nothing left in my heart for him but pity is such a great feeling.
I will never understand people like that but it’s not my job to. I will just avoid and move on. I still don’t trust people as much…but that’s my nature…and having my hand burned so badly does cause a trust scar. That is ok too….