What I’ve Never Done

and it felt great.

October 1 kicked off my get healthier than I already have gotten gala!

My yoga and Tai Chi start and the weather is nice enough to ride my bike every day….and I’m kicking the Pepsi habit, or trying to…that will be the hardest of all to conquer.

But what I did today, all by myself, out loud, was to yell “F**k You…F**k Off…..” to a person that has caused me strife, pain, and angst.  I said it out loud as I would say it to this person…to their face (in my head).

And it felt good.  Sometimes you just have to let that crap go.  Really…seriously.  Second and third chances are nice, and oh aren’t I wonderful for giving them, for trying…but finally it’s time.

Nothing say goodbye like a big F You.  Of course, I never actually said that to a person, but it was cathartic.  I smiled and immediately the word PEACE popped into my head.  PEACE is the word I visualize when I meditate.  It seemed appropriate after cleansing myself that PEACE would automatically pop into my head.  It’s finished, finally.

Today’s message from The Universe was perfect:  “There hasn’t been one single day of your life, Patrice, when the world hasn’t been made a better place by your presence in it.”  God, I hope so.

The CoDa meetings have been a blessing for me.  They have shown me strength…the strength of the people who attend, the strength of the people to bare their lives to us, so show us the pain, and the strength to try.  I admit, I sit there, and always being “the fixer” I silently tell them what they should do.  Leave him, leave her, you don’t deserve that, oh for Christ’s sake get a spine and buck up.  That last one is nice, huh?

A dear friend said to me Saturday over Thai food that I am lucky that I was raised a strong woman.  I liked that.  I was…the matriarchs of the family made sure that was the case.  There isn’t one woman in our family for five generations that was strong….farther back I don’t know, but I assume.  And that’s not to say that the men were wimps…far from it.  True strong women require strong men.  

It was time to let the strong shine through this morning…if only to myself…telling myself that I deserve better that I will do better, I will attain better…and even if I don’t, to never, ever accept less.

It was rather empowering.  All on a Monday.




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