seems to be the norm.
I’m all for giving, in fact there is little I wouldn’t give my family if they asked…probably nothing as I figure some of them are going to get it anyway. My friends, I will help, listen to, accommodate, and help.
But sometimes it would be nice to NOT have to be the one. I have wonderful friends and family, but it seems that with some of them, the only time I have contact is when they want or need something. There are times I wish that one of them would understand that I need to reach out too. Or, when I reach out and ask for help, it is easily forgotten. I get pretty tired of having to ask for it two or three times. By that time, it’s just easier to handle whatever I needed myself. Times roll around where I stop calling or checking in just to see how long it takes for someone to realize I’m not there.
I started thinking “where do I find joy?”
I don’t have big waves of joy as I have often thought I needed, but I have moments of joy. Being with the little ones who I love so much, just coloring, or playing, or simply watching, brings me amazing happiness. Maybe that is enough.
A good nap brings me joy, and working out in my yard, and reading tend to make me content.
But is contentment enough?
At least I am handling my stress, well somewhat better than I did two years ago. I have to remember:
Talk to the Thought
I sometimes hear my inner voice but am still prone to deafness—especially under stress. To become more intuitive, first I have to “drop into” my body, feeling all physical sensations. Then I must describe my emotions in detail (writing them down may help). Identify the most intense emotion you’re feeling; allow it to fill your attention, without judging or censoring.
Next, identify the thought that’s driving my physical and emotional sensations. For example, if I feel neck stiffness that connects to dread, it may be driven by thoughts such as I have so much to do or I’m not good enough. Or my heart may be buoyant, lifted by thoughts such as I’m in love! or pie is excellent! Whatever the emotion, there’s an associated thought. I must Find it!
Holding this thought in mind, I need to relax even more and feel for something even deeper. If I get loose enough, I’ll hear another voice, very still and small, telling me the truth. If I’m feeling unworthy, it may say, No, kid, you’re actually pretty awesome. If I’m hungry, it might suggest, Let’s get pie! Its instructions aren’t always lofty, but they always cause relaxation, a feeling of ah! Once I’ve learned to hear this voice, I requiz myself to see if I’m ready to continue.